Why Healing? Why Connection?

Healing is important for all of us at this time as the world seems to be spiralling into trauma fuelled catastrophe, environmentally, politically and financially, socially and culturally. But all healing needs to start at the individual level. With you and me.

Thankfully we are beginning to wake up to the damage developmental trauma is inflicting on all of us, especially as men who love men, and the part we need to play in healing ourselves, and thereby our connection to others, and so our community. This can be a consciousness raising journey, or an embodied biological journey through the nervous system.

Either way we need to recognise that as traumatised individuals we tend to be activated, hyper-aroused, mobilised into a flight or fight response through the sympathetic nervous system. This can appear as defensive, aggressive, withdrawal or anxiety. Or we tend to be immobilised, hypo-aroused, shut down in a freeze response through the parasympathetic nervous system. This can appear as depression or disassociation. Often, we flux between the two.

The way out of this is to build our resource of safety. This means activating, cultivating and nurturing our container (our internal and external) sources of safety. For a sense of safety has to be present for healing to take place. This is held within our parasympathetic nervous system, within the Ventral Vegus, which is our area of connection and engagement. There are a number of practical steps we can take to support this.

First, is acknowledging the need to heal and to connect.

Second, we need to develop the ability to become aware of our bodily sensations. We do this through connecting to our breath, our touch and our movement. During this retreat we will be working with each of these in specific ways that help this process, whether that be conscious breathing, deep breathing or alternate nostril breathing, or holding, cuddling or tapping, or shaking, random movements or dancing. Each has its part to play.

Third, we need to cultivate our external environment to enhance our sense of safety. This is why Terzo Di Danciano makes such a splendid retreat venue. Here you can become connected to the magical landscape and its abundance of vital energy; feel grounded in its beautiful orchards and forests; soothed in its tranquil pool and spa; nourished through the first-rate meals prepared by its gourmet chef; and held in the most beautiful of rustic bedrooms, spacious workshop areas and intimate communal terraces. These are all key aspects to building our container.

Forth, we need to cultivate patience as we build a new way to perceive ourselves, while at the same time trying not to over-analyse things. We are trying to connect to our sensation and experience. We are not trying to analyse, work things out and fix anything. We are not broken. We do not need to be fixed.

Fifth, as we come to better connect to our own sensations and experiences, we come to recognise the states of hyper-arousal, constriction, dissociation and helplessness, while at the same time, come to appreciate the arousal cycle (what goes up must come down, ie, increased heart rate, difficulty breathing, cold sweats, mind racing, anxiety …) Doing this in our safe container better enables us to trust the process.

Sixth, we can then come to recognise our patterns, getting progressively more comfortable with our states of discomfort (this is almost like a form of Edging for the sensations) thereby slowly expanding our own inner container.

Seventh, when we can better connect to ourselves, we are more readily able to connect to others. Healing and connection are intimately connected, and both are predicated on our resource of safety. It is for this reason working on boundaries, your yes and your no, and being able to articulate these will be a core part of this retreat whether that be during eye gazing, touching or massage sessions. Negotiation and re-negotiation are ongoing as we all take the healing and connection journey.

All of this takes place within the larger container held by Arnie and myself, within the natural container of this stunning rural hamlet overlooking the border between Umbria and Tuscany near the beautiful city of Cortona. 

This is a journey to empowerment.

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Email me direct if you are interested in mindful, trauma-informed, intimacy or spiritual coaching, or if you would like to join my new Pink Tantra Towards Awakening group for chat rooms, video channels and in-person workshops around tantra and intimacy practices robert.pinktantra@gmail.com

See my personal development / personality profiling book DISCover the Power of You published through John Hunt Publishing Ltd, 2017. ISBN: 978-1-78535-591-2

And for a bit of light reading, see my first historical fictional novel Fermented Spirits published through Austin Macauley Publishers, 2022. ISBN-13: ‎978-1398437159