Negative Inner Chatter

But before we go into that, what do I mean by negative inner chatter?

This is usually referred to as the dark side of the inner voice. When we are stuck in an inwards negative cycle, looping around the same issue over and over, either future orientated (as in worry) or past orientated (as in rumination). And when it starts to impact on either our thinking and so performance, relationships or health, or indeed all three.

We know our energy goes where our focus is, so if all our focus is on our worry or ruminations there is little left for more productive thinking or performance. Often in these situations we want someone to talk to, unfortunately we tend to then go on and on about the same issue over and over, with little listening to the other person, so pushing away the others we think we so need. Stress builds on stress, and negative inner chatter compounds this, becoming chronic, which can lead to physical illnesses.

So, what can I do about it?

As a coach of over twenty years its maybe not surprising my first response is to try and coach myself (in a 3rd person kind of way) by asking the question, “So, Pink, how are you going to handle this situation?” (Using my name and ‘you’ to depersonalise it). This helps shift my perspective.

We know it is easier to help and offer advice to others than it is to advise ourselves. This shift in language gives me some distance in which to do just that. It also helps stop me from saying things to myself I would never ever consider saying to others, and staying focused on more appropriate, positive and helpful self-communication.

Another useful approach I have found is zooming out, so asking “How will you feel about this in a year’s time?” This, again, gives distance, often called temporal distancing or mental time-travel. It helps me realise the issue is temporary and takes me out of the immediacy of the situation.

One of the things I mentioned above was speaking to others. Often we want to do this, but as a form of venting, over and over. This just fuels my thinking about the issue. So, rather than speaking to the people I habitually speak to, who I know will listen, I now actively think, “Who can I speak to who will take me out of the immediacy?” So, someone who will listen for a short while and then help (and sometimes challenge) me to shift my perspective through reframing.

Other than these coaching type approaches I also focus on the external aspects to help. Like, arranging my space to bring order, almost to compensate for the lack of internal order, but also as a way to prepare myself for the coaching conversations to come. And (thanks to Mona, my dog, I have a perfect excuse for getting outdoors) walking in green spaces, allowing my attention to drift to the surroundings and away from the negative inner chatter. This allows the self to shrink.

Which, I suppose, brings me to my ongoing practices around breath work and meditation, especially those ritualised ones that take me away from my negative inner chatter and sets the habit for a more mindful and helpful approach.

Have a mindful day everyone.

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Email me direct if you are interested in mindful, trauma-informed, intimacy or spiritual coaching, or if you would like to join my new Pink Tantra Towards Awakening group for chat rooms, video channels and in-person workshops around tantra and intimacy practices robert.pinktantra@gmail.com

See my personal development / personality profiling book DISCover the Power of You published through John Hunt Publishing Ltd, 2017. ISBN: 978-1-78535-591-2

And for a bit of light reading, see my first historical fictional novel Fermented Spirits published through Austin Macauley Publishers, 2022. ISBN-13: ‎978-1398437159