The problem with choice
The 2 of Swords appeared as my tarot card for the day, in relation to what keeps me from achieving my goals. Two choices which are at deadlock; an oscillation that is undermining my growth. The implication is clear; I yearn for expansion but I hold myself back through fear.
Options, especially the choice between two opposing things, can often lead to deadlock or an oscillation; a lack of commitment to either one or the other. Often this is accompanied by avoidance. Not just the avoidance of making the choice, but avoidance of recognising there is even a choice to be made. We try and reach a balance, resulting in tension and inner confusion or conflict, and outer actions that can contradict and undermine one another. Our achievements are less than they could be because we have no clear goal.
So, what can be done?
First is recognition. Unless we recognise this is the case we are blind to any need for decisive action.
Second is an understanding of why there is deadlock; what is the underlying cause of this (often fear, of change, or the unknown, coming from a need for security). Here we are often talking of the conflict between our social conditioning (or trauma induced approach) and our inner knowing. Susan Jeffers, in her book ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’, says fears basically boils down to three levels (1) the story (2) the ego (3) the belief that ‘I can’t handle it’. This reflects the three yogic aspects of attachment; the story, the ego, and our limited concepts.
In the West we try to see beyond the story (looking at the facts), come to understand our inner frame (psychological makeup), and develop our ability to handle anything (re-educating our belief system). This is not so different to the East, although the language and intent is different. In the East the intention is to recognise the True Self (recognising the story as an illusion), dis-attach (and so dissolve the ego), and surrender to our Higher Self (as an act of devotion). Either way we must be willing to turn inwards; seeing and confronting our fear.
Third is acceptance, for without acceptance of who we are and where we are, we will be unable to shift from that place. In my Blog, the Journey of Self-Discovery, I wrote,
“we do what our nature is to tap into our desires that can act as the gateway to those greater desires of devotion, expecting nothing in return.”
Acceptance therefore is fundamental, as is an understanding of devotion, where we use our desire (or sexual energy) as a vehicle to access our greater devotional desire, thereby acting as a gateway to our intuitive knowing.
And forth is clear strategies based on this knowing and acceptance of where we are. Indeed, in my Blog Scottish Dualism I have previously written about the sexual / spiritual practices I oscillate between, noting;
“We have no need to change them, we just don’t get caught up in them. We recognise them as simply our manifested experiences and not our true nature.”
Bringing it all together
When we have, what might appear, opposing choices, it is imperative we take a structured approach to unblock the deadlock or oscillation that can happen. We don’t do this through change or trying to bring balance, but through recognition, understanding and acceptance, opening the gates to intuitive knowing, which allows for growth.
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